


Happy Birthday!

by Boozey_St_John



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Angry Leon, Annoyed Leon, Cheeky Chris, Desperate Leon, Humor, Hysterical Chris, Insistent Grandmother, M/M, Put Chris on the phone, Senile grandmother, impatient Leon, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:05:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14582550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boozey_St_John/pseuds/Boozey_St_John
Summary: Leon gets one hell of a birthday gift! Can he handle it? Better yet, is he ready for it?





	Happy Birthday!

**Author's Note:**

> Quick pwp.  
> I don't know why I found this so humorous.

“Leon, you’ve got a call on line one.” Came Hunnigan’s voice through the intercom. The brunette sighed being distracted from his work. He needed to get his reports in by the following day or he’d be serious trouble. Picking up the phone, he took a deep breath, controlling any attitude that hid in his voice. 

“Agent Kennedy speaking.” He greeted, eyes immediately going wide when he heard the voice: 

Chris’ Grandma Ethel.

“Hi, it's Ethel. How you doin’ today?” The elderly woman drawled. 

Leon grimaced. Knowing he was trapped in a conversation with the half-senile old woman. He wasn’t known for his patience, and he silently prayed that he’d be able to keep it together, trying to be as respectful as he could. He cleared his throat. 

“Hi Ethel, what can I do for you?” He answered. 

“I’m looking for my grandson. Is he there?” Ethel asked sweetly. She loved to check up on him from time to time. 

“No, he doesn’t work here. He’s in another building. I can give you his office number if you’d like.” The agent quickly replied. He prayed that she would say ‘yes’ but he knew, just knew, that she wouldn’t. 

Ignoring the young man’s response, Ethel responded. “Oh. Well, can you pass the phone to him?” She asked, her mid-western accent becoming stronger. Holding his hand up to cover the phone, Leon sighed. Not this. Not now. 

“He’s not here.” The young man repeated. His grip tightening on the black telephone. 

“Well, what time does he come in?” The elderly woman questioned. 

“He doesn’t. He doesn’t work here. Chris is in another building, Ethel. I can give you his number if you’d like. I’m sorry but I’m very busy at the moment. I can’t talk.” Leon was nearly begging. 

His answer fell on deaf ears once again. 

Pulling out a bottle of whiskey and a cup he kept in his bottom drawer, he poured himself a shot. Quickly downing it and grimacing as it burned his chest. He always kept a bottle close by, in case of an emergency, like this. 

Neither person said anything for a moment. 

"Oh, he's not in today?" Ethel repeated.

"Right." Leon confirmed.

“ Well, Is he coming in for lunch later on?” She continued. “Because I’d really like to talk to him.” 

The brunette poured himself another drink, this time, nearly filling the cup to the brim. He gulped down as much as he could, hoping the old woman didn’t notice. 

“No! He doesn’t work here! He’s not coming in for lunch.” Leon emphasized. "I’ll have him call you later when he gets home.” He promised, trying his best to end the call. 

“But I’ll be busy later on. Can you put him on now?” Ethel asked once again. Her mind not comprehending what Leon was saying. The brunette gulped down the rest of the whiskey left in his cup and quickly poured another one. 

“I can’t put him on now. He’s not here!” He repeated again. His voice becoming a little louder, just in case she could him better. 

There was a silence on the phone, for a moment Leon rejoiced. The conversation was finally ending. That thought quickly vanishing when Ethel’s voice came back on. 

“I wanted to tell him that I’m doing better now since I’ve been taking those vitamins the doctor prescribed. I have to take ‘em cuz I’ve got old bones. But with the vitamins, I’m doing a lil’ better now. God bless doctors, cuz without ‘em, I don’t know where I’d be.” Ethel preached, making Leon rest his head on his arm. 

“That's great, Ethel. It was nice talking to--” He was interrupted. 

“Yeah, I was having problems with my rectum because I’m getting older, as we all are...” 

He quietly sobbed into his arm, now wondering if the light fixture would hold if he were to hang himself. 

“...But the doctors, they fixed it up- they patched it up and now it seems that everything is working fine. I went to the bathroom this morning and everything came out okay. God bless the doctors.” 

“Well, good for you.” Leon was at a loss for words after hearing what the old woman said. “I have to go now.” 

“Hold on a minute! Just hold your horses if you could. I don’t feel like my question has been answered yet.” Ethel quickly protested. "I don't know why you're gettin' so upset, I just wanna talk to my grandson."

“Ethel.” Leon silently seethed. “He’s not here. He doesn’t work here. I will have him call you as soon as he gets home. I promise. Now I have to go. I have a lot of work to do. Nice chatting with you.” Before the old woman could say any more, Leon disconnected the woman from the line. 

“Oh my god.” He panted in disbelief. "It's over. It's over." He chanted to himself. Suddenly laughter roared out from the phone.

He knew that laugh; Chris fucking Redfield!  
“That was great!” Chris managed to say while hysterically laughing. He wiped the tears from his eyes, trying to take deep breaths to control his laughter but ultimately failing. The laughter continued. "Thank you for that!"

“I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU, REDFIELD!” Leon yelled into the phone. “DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!” 

Still completely hysterical, Chris managed to answer. 

“Happy Birthday, Leon. I love you.” He let out before quickly hanging up the phone. 

Growling with anger, Leon imagined the ways he’d able to murder his lover. All this time Chris was on a conference call with Ethel and Leon, muted, laughing hysterically while Leon was being tortured by his senile grandmother. 

Leon's reports would have to wait. He’d take the shit. Pressing the intercom button his phone, he paged Hunnigan. 

“I’m cutting out early. I've got a funeral to plan.” He disconnected his extension while grabbing his leather jacket. 

“That motherfucker is dead!” He fumed storming out his office.


End file.
